Terms of Survival
The following document constitutes a binding agreement between you (the "Guest"), APOC-BNB (the "Platform"), and whatever higher power you believe in (the "Witness"). Read carefully. Or don't. We're not your parents.
Acceptance of Terms
By accessing, browsing, or booking any accommodation through APOC-BNB, you hereby accept these Terms of Survival in their entirety, including but not limited to: the risk of death, the possibility that your host is "eccentric," and the near-certainty that conditions will not match the listing photos (the lighting was better that day).
Clicking "Book Now" constitutes a legally binding agreement under both pre-war contract law (to the extent any court still exists to enforce it) and current wasteland customary law (which is more of a vibe than a system).
If you cannot read these terms due to illiteracy, radiation-induced vision loss, or general apathy toward legal documents, that is not our problem. Ignorance of the terms is not a defense. Neither is "I thought it was a joke." It is not a joke. Mostly.
Definitions
Any breathing entity that has paid the listed rate in full. Breathing is verified at check-in. If you stop breathing during your stay, your guest status is revoked and your remains become host property (see Section 4).
Any entity currently in control of a habitable shelter who has registered with APOC-BNB. Verification of "entity" status is pending for several of our more... unusual hosts.
Any structure providing greater than 50% protection from outside threats, including but not limited to: radiation, mutants, weather, salespeople, and existential dread.
The official currency of the post-event economy. Bottle caps, preferably Nuka-Cola brand. Generic caps accepted at a discount. Counterfeit caps are punishable by exile, or worse: a 1-star review.
We don't talk about it.
Continued biological function for the duration of your stay. Not guaranteed. Not implied. Not even particularly likely at some of our more adventurous listings.
Things that may or may not work, including but not limited to: running water, electricity, heating, cooling, doors, and "WiFi" (a generous term for what some hosts provide).
Liability Waiver
APOC-BNB, its founders, employees, contractors, and the one intern who somehow survived, shall not be held liable, responsible, or even mildly accountable for any of the following:
Cancellation Policy
48+ Hours Before Check-in
Full Refund100% refund in CAPS. We'll even count them back to you nicely. No questions asked, though we may silently judge you for your lack of commitment to survival.
24-48 Hours Before Check-in
50% Refund50% refund to you. The other 50% is donated to your host's "Emotional Recovery Fund," which is a real thing we made up that hosts use to buy themselves something nice for the inconvenience.
Under 24 Hours Before Check-in
No RefundZero CAPS returned. Your host has already prepared the bunker, possibly cleaned the sheets, and definitely told all their friends about you. They may express displeasure. We cannot control how.
No-Show
ForfeitureNo refund. Your belongings (if any were sent ahead) become community property. Your reservation slot may be given to whoever shows up next. The wasteland does not wait, and neither do we.
Guest Conduct
As a guest, you agree to conduct yourself in a manner that does not endanger yourself, your host, other guests, or the structural integrity of the bunker. Specifically:
Read and obey the house rules.
Every bunker has them. They exist for a reason. The reason is usually that someone did something terrible and now there's a rule about it. Don't be the next reason for a new rule.
Read the banned items list.
If something is on the banned items list, it is banned. If something is not on the list but seems like it should be, it is also probably banned. Use common sense. If you don't have common sense, use someone else's.
If your host says don't go to Sub-Level 7, don't go to Sub-Level 7.
We cannot stress this enough. We have stressed it in meetings. We have stressed it in training materials. We have stressed it on posters, flyers, and one very expensive ham radio PSA campaign.
Do. Not. Go. To. Sub-Level. 7.
(If your bunker does not have a Sub-Level 7, this section does not apply to you. Lucky.)
Reviews & Ratings
APOC-BNB relies on honest, thoughtful reviews from guests to maintain the quality and trustworthiness of our platform. The following guidelines apply:
Reviews must be honest.
Exaggeration is acceptable. Outright fabrication is not. We can tell the difference. Usually.
"I died" is not a valid review.
If you died, how are you writing it? We have received 14 of these reviews. We have rejected all 14. If you are a ghost with internet access, please contact our engineering team instead -- we have questions.
Ratings below 1 star are not possible.
The system does not support it. Several guests have tried. One attempted to submit negative stars. The server crashed. We've since added input validation.
Ratings above 5 stars are also not possible.
Despite what some guests insist about the Lead-Lined Spa experience. We understand it was transformative. We are happy for you. Five stars is the maximum. Please stop emailing us about this.
This is the maximum. Stop asking.
Dispute Resolution
All disputes between guests, hosts, and/or APOC-BNB shall be resolved through the following process, which we are calling a "process" very generously:
The APOC-BNB Tribunal
The Tribunal meets every third Wednesday, if the signal is clear and at least two of the three tribunal members can make it. (The third one lives in a zone with unreliable roads. We're working on it.)
Bring Evidence
Written, photographic, or verbal. "Trust me bro" is not evidence.
Bring CAPS
Filing fee: 25 CAPS. Non-refundable. Goes toward tribunal snacks.
Bring Snacks
Tribunal sessions are long. Hangry tribunal members rule unfairly.
RE: Trial by Combat. Trial by combat is available in select zones but is officially discouraged by APOC-BNB. If both parties consent, we will not stop you, but we will not watch either. Our insurance (such as it is) does not cover it.
Privacy Policy
APOC-BNB takes your privacy as seriously as infrastructure allows, which is to say: we try our best.
We Collect:
We do NOT sell your data.We barely have servers. The concept of "selling data" implies an infrastructure and a buyer, neither of which reliably exist.
Your data is stored on a salvaged hard drive in Bunker HQ. It is backed up on a second hard drive. Both hard drives are in the same room. We are aware this is not ideal. We are working on it. The intern has been asked to find a third hard drive. Progress is slow.
Modifications to Terms
APOC-BNB reserves the right to modify these terms at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. In practice, modifications happen infrequently because the person who writes them is also our only lawyer, and she is busy running raids on Tuesdays.
When terms are modified, we will make a reasonable effort to notify users via ham radio broadcast and/or a note pinned to the community board at Bunker HQ. "Reasonable effort" is defined by us and is not subject to appeal.
Continued use of the platform after modifications constitutes acceptance of the new terms. If you disagree with the modifications, your recourse is to stop using the platform and find shelter on your own. Good luck with that.
Contact
Questions, concerns, complaints, or existential observations about these terms? We are available through the following channels:
Ham Radio
Frequency: 142.5 MHz
Best reception: dawn and dusk. Avoid transmitting during electrical storms unless you enjoy surprises.
distress@apoc-bnb.com
Server uptime: intermittent. Response time: when we get to it. Which could be hours, days, or after the next supply run. We appreciate your patience.
Please do not attempt to contact us via carrier pigeon. The birds have changed.
Survive Accordingly
You have reached the end of the Terms of Survival. By reaching this point, you have demonstrated more commitment to reading legal documents than 97% of our users. Congratulations. Your diligence will not protect you.
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