Atlantis Research Station
Captain Nemo
Real name is almost certainly Dave. Pre-Event career: Marine biologist who 'borrowed' this research station when everything went south. Has been underwater ever since. Communicates primarily in nautical metaphors nobody understands. House rules are presented as 'Maritime Law' (it's not). Lectures guests about respecting the ocean. The fish. The ecosystem. Mostly the fish. Messages contain unnecessary sailor slang. Signs off with 'Fair winds and following seas' even though there are no winds 200 feet underwater. Refuses to acknowledge the smell.
Welcome to the ocean floor. Captain Nemo (definitely not his real name, probably Dave) converted this decommissioned submarine research station into a "unique underwater experience."
The pressure is constant. The smell is... fish. Always fish. He insists it's "atmospheric branding." Previous guests have described it as "aggressive marine ambiance."
Pros: Incredible ocean views. Zero surface radiation. Spectacular bioluminescence at night.
Cons: That smell. The creaking sounds (probably the hull settling, maybe). Fish. So many fish. They watch you. Captain Nemo watches them watch you. It's a whole thing.
WARNING: Do not tap on the glass. The octopus takes it personally.
I tapped on the glass. The octopus remembered. She waited three days. Then she opened my cabin door. I don't know HOW. Captain Nemo said 'she's smart, she's patient, and she holds grudges.' I respect her now. We have an understanding. Five stars because that kind of emotional complexity is rare in a landlord's pet.
The ocean views are genuinely spectacular. The bioluminescence at night is like sleeping inside a lava lamp. But the SMELL. Captain Nemo says it's 'atmospheric branding.' It's fish. It's always fish. I can still smell it three weeks later. My clothes smell like a pier. My DREAMS smell like a pier.
Captain Nemo told me to 'batten down the hatches' when I asked where the bathroom was. I don't know what that means. He said something about 'port side' and 'aft.' I ended up just following the fish. The fish always know where the bathroom is. The fish know everything. They watch you. Constantly.
Charges applied upon nuclear event confirmation.