Orbital Safe House
Captain Cosmos
Actual astronaut. Was on the ISS when everything happened below. Watched the whole thing through the cupola with a bag of freeze-dried ice cream. Has not emotionally processed this. Now rents out the station because, quote, 'What else am I going to do up here?' House rules include no crying near the electronics, mandatory awe at Earth views, and absolutely no discussing 'what it used to look like.' Communication style is aggressively cheerful in a way that suggests deep psychological compartmentalization. Signs off every message with 'Stay stellar!' followed by exactly three star emojis.
The International Space Station. Yes, THAT one. Captain Cosmos was mid-mission when The Event happened. He watched the whole thing from 250 miles up with a pouch of reconstituted shrimp cocktail in one hand and mounting existential horror in the other.
He hasn't fully processed it. He might never process it. But he HAS converted the station into the most exclusive listing on APOC-BnB. Capacity: 2. Waitlist: 847. Availability: Never.
The zero-gravity experience is, objectively, incredible. You will float. You will laugh. You will bump into things. You will try to drink water and it will become a sphere and you will cry because it's beautiful and because everything you've ever known is a smoldering marble outside the window.
About the Earth-viewing: there's a 3-minute rule. Captain Cosmos implemented it after the third guest had a complete psychological break staring at what used to be the Eastern Seaboard. The tears don't fall in zero-g. They just... accumulate on your face in a growing, wobbling dome of sadness. It's actually kind of mesmerizing, which makes the whole thing worse.
The food situation: freeze-dried everything. The ice cream is a lie (it's chalk that believes in itself). All water has been recycled approximately 847 times. Through what, you ask? Through EVERYTHING. Captain Cosmos will cheerfully explain the urine reclamation process during dinner. He does this every time. He thinks it's a fun fact.
Why is it always sold out? Two beds. Two hundred miles above every problem you've ever had. Everyone wants to escape the apocalypse. Nobody wants to escape it more than the man who watched it happen from space and still signs off every message with 'Stay stellar!' like his heart isn't in pieces.
ZERO RADIATION. ZERO. Do you understand what that means? I cried. Captain Cosmos cried. We just floated there crying in zero-g for an hour. Worth every CAP. Earth looks different from up here. Smaller. Sadder. But the bunker is immaculate.
This shelter is currently occupied or off-market.