Sky Tower Haven
Aqua-Dan
Pre-Event: Worked in water treatment. Very passionate about hydration. Post-Event: EXTREMELY passionate about hydration. Controls one of the last functioning water towers in the region. This has gone to his head. Literally. He lives on top. House rules are water-focused. Rationing. Conservation. Prices. He has a SYSTEM. Shower timers. Washing guidelines. Drinking schedules. Messages include: water availability, pricing updates, conservation tips, and unsolicited hydration advice. Calls the salt flat an 'ocean view.' Nobody corrects him. He has the water.
Aqua-Dan sits atop a converted water tower in the desert. The views are incredible. The temperature is not. The water situation is... complicated.
He has water. Lots of it. The tower still has reserves. He WILL sell you some. At market rates. Which he sets. Based on vibes.
Rope ladder access only. Not ADA compliant. Dan says this is a "security feature." It's really just a rope ladder. Your calves will be AMAZING after a week here.
The view is described as "ocean-like." It's a salt flat. It used to be a lake. It is very much not a lake now. Dan is optimistic about the terminology.
Warning: Water rationing in effect. Shower time: 90 seconds. Dan times it. With a stopwatch. While maintaining eye contact.
The rope ladder. THE ROPE LADDER. It's 80 feet. Straight up. In the desert heat. My arms gave out at foot 40. I hung there for 20 minutes. Dan watched from above. He offered encouragement. And water. At market rate. I paid. What choice did I have? My calves are incredible now though. I'll give him that.
Dan timed my shower. 90 seconds. With a stopwatch. While maintaining eye contact through the gap in the curtain. I asked him to stop. He said 'water is life and life has rules, Dave.' My name isn't Dave. He calls everyone Dave. The 'ocean view' is a salt flat. It's beautiful in a devastatingly sad way. Dan charges extra for ice. ICE. From his own water. The man is an entrepreneur of the apocalypse.
Dan's water pricing is based on vibes and I respect that. Monday: 10 caps per gallon. Tuesday: 15. Why? 'Tuesday feels expensive,' he said. The views are genuinely stunning -- 360 degrees of wasteland stretching to the horizon. Dan calls the salt flat an ocean. At sunset, squinting, with enough dehydration? He's almost right.
Charges applied upon nuclear event confirmation.