The Deep Earth Citadel
Commander Shepard
Former NASA flight director who commandeered this missile silo during the Initial Event while everyone else was panic-buying toilet paper. Runs the bunker like a spacecraft: airlock protocols, mandatory decontamination showers, and a disturbing amount of Tang. Will give you a 47-minute briefing on oxygen recycler maintenance whether you want it or not. House rules include no whistling (attracts tunnel creatures), no mentioning the 'scratching sounds,' and absolutely no questions about the locked sub-level. Communicates exclusively in military time and astronaut jargon.
Former ICBM silo that was *supposed* to be decommissioned in 1998. Oops.
Descend 300 feet into 12-foot concrete walls, a climate-controlled command center (originally designed to survive a direct hit), and a fully operational hydroponic garden staffed by... well, let's call them 'dedicated staff.'
Our flagship feature: the Lead-Lined Spa. Originally a decontamination chamber during the Cold War, now a luxury wellness experience. Bathing in 3 inches of lead-infused water has NEVER made survivors feel more secure.
The scratching sounds in the walls? Just the water recycling system. Probably. Commander Shepard is very reassuring about it.
WARNING: Surface excursions at your own risk. We keep a tally board. Current record: 47 minutes.
Came here with 3 other survivors fleeing the Wasteland Collective. Left with 4 (adoption situation - we don't ask questions). The bunker held strong, Commander Shepard was accommodating even when we accidentally flooded sublevel C, and we've never felt safer. Would have given 6 stars but the lead-lined spa was unexpectedly sensual and I have feelings about that now. 10/10 would hide again.
Very clean. No mutants in the vents (we checked). The scratching at night turned out to be the water recycling system. Commander Shepard was very reassuring about it. Too reassuring? No, just reassuring enough.
The bunker works. It's secure. But I've started hearing voices in the HVAC system and Commander Shepard insists it's 'just wind.' Wind doesn't call you by name. Still, for the price, hard to complain. 3/5 because I'm now questioning my sanity.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. The water recycling is 7-stage! The power redundancy has redundancy! I've been down here for 47 days and I could go 4,700 more. My surface group keeps calling. I ignore them now. This is home. Commander Shepard understands.
Charges applied upon nuclear event confirmation.